Self Love « Blooming Where I'm Planted!

Seeking Life

August 29th, 2010

Happy Spirit day, my friends :)

Last night we attended Mike’s boss’ annual pig roast… And I got drunk and sang karaoke!

Some people really love to sing karaoke, and do it on a fairly regular basis. I am not one of those people. I did it last year at the boss’ party for the first time. Once I worked through the terror and the feeling that I was gonna throw up, it wasn’t so bad.

This year I was just as anxious. I had to keep pep talking myself into it.

“You’ve done this before. It’s no big deal. You LOVE to sing. No one booo’d you off stage. They’re drinking too and don’t care. Besides, you sound better than half of them. At least you keep tempo and KNOW the songs…”

So with that, I got up and opened with The Beatles, When I’m Sixty-Four.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I’m trying to live… as a verb. Not live as a passive bump-on-a-log like I’ve been doing for 12 years now.

I’m trying to get out there and do real things…. new things. Inside these walls, I have more experience than I really know what to do with. Out there, I have none.

I want to do more things that make me anxious and want to throw up… In a good way of course.

I want to feel that high, tingly, anxious, exhilarated, terrified like when you’re on a roller-coaster feeling! I want this feeling to be a part of my, maybe not everyday, but normal life.

I am bored because I am boring. There is so much out there and I long to find and experience it.

I want life to experience ME… authentically, as I am. I want to share ME with the rest of the world as readily as I want to soak up the experiences of all of It.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I’d intended to take guitar lessons with Michael this fall, and I still intend to do it, but I think we’ve had a minor change in plans.

Michael has just started a band class in school that will go on for six weeks. At the end of the six weeks, the kids who want to actually BE in the band will stay, and the rest will return to normal classes. I’m going to wait until the end of these six weeks to start guitar with him because I want him to learn everything they have to teach him about music.

Because I don’t want to wait that long, myself, and because I don’t want to start guitar without him because we won’t be in the same place then and won’t get the discount, I think I’m going to start taking piano lessons in the meantime.

I have always loved piano music and have wanted to learn to play piano for as long as I can remember. Yep, just typing it out makes me a little anxious and a little nauseated. LOL

* * * * * * * * * * *

I am learning that it’s that exhilarated feeling that creates.

It’s that feeling of overflowing joy beyond verbal expression that connects me right to the Universe. When I cultivate that feeling within me as I’ve been doing for a few weeks now, I feel as though I’m sitting right in God’s lap…. Like God is actually Santa and whatever I throw out there while on the lap will readily come flyin’ at me.

Doing things I love to do is good. I mean like, writing, riding my bike, walking in nature, playing with my dogs, etc…

These are all great feeling things that help me to create happiness in my life. But I’m also finding that, when I get the shot of super high exhilaration, it creates faster.

So I will. I will seek things that scare the crap out of me. I will seek things I’ve never done. I will seek things… feelings, experiences… all of it.

I am a seeker.

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Manifesting Amazing Health

August 17th, 2010

It’s truly amazing to me, the depth of health and wellness that I am feeling within my own body!

Before, I couldn’t eat anything until at LEAST eleven o’clock every morning. I would always say, “I just can’t eat in the morning. I’m not a breakfast person.”

Turns out, I AM a breakfast person. I wake up hungry now! Not raw or achy or acidy… but hungry!

I used to have a headache every day. I know it sounds like I must be exaggerating some, but on my honor, I am not. Every single day for the past several YEARS, I have had a headache every single day. Some days I was able to shift my focus and virtually forget the pain, leaving it only a dull annoyance in the background of my day. Some days I was incapacitated, on the couch, praying for relief.

As of today, I haven’t had a headache in FOUR DAYS!!! That’s incredible to me. I’ve been involved in multiple car accidents in the past and my back is a little crooked as a result. I’ve always attributed my headaches to my back and neck… but I was wrong.

At this point, I don’t know for sure if it was the sorbitol or the aspertame in my gum, but it’s VERY clear to me that one of them was causing me to have a daily headache.

I’ve been completely off my gum for two weeks and two days as of this morning, and I have to say, I feel better than I have in probably 6 years.

Even at the peak of my diet and exercise changes, when I was at my “healthiest,” there was always this undertone of “I don’t feel good” that was in me. I felt thin and healthy and happy… with a headache and cloudy thoughts and burning with urination and bowel issues and sore, achy muscles, and stomach pain etc…

I thought that was just how it is. Just how the body works.

It’s NOT!

I feel healthy and vibrant and happy and AMAZING, quite frankly.

I woke up Friday last week feeling amazing. Better than I can ever remember feeling. Then Saturday morning, I was absolutely STUNNED to find that I felt even better than the day before. THEN… the same thing happened again on Sunday… and AGAIN on Monday!!

Each day I was impressed with the raised level of healthfulness I felt, thinking I must’ve finally reached the end of the poison and the beginning of my healing , but each day I was blissfully amazed at how wrong I was and how I now feel even GREATER than the day before.

I had never imagined that I could feel this good in my own body. Never.

Back on July’s New Moon, I’d started to thank God for my health every day. I was focusing on my health and body for the cycle, and it sure seemed logical to think and thank about it.

“Thank you, God, for the great health I possess and the knowledge I’ve been given so I may consciously perpetuate mt wellness…”

It wasn’t an affirmation really… but a prayer. I mean, I said it pretty much in those exact words, every single day at least once… Well hell… I suppose it WAS an affirmation. LOL

I gotta say though… As I say those words today, no sentence has EVER been truer for me, right now, than THAT sentence. It literally became more and more true and real as I said it.

And yes, I was beginning to feel a little skeptical as I seemed to be getting sicker and sicker as I prayed gratitude for my health, but I hung in and kept in my mind, the ideas that…

It’s darkest before the dawn…

Sometimes we have to do some tearing down before we can build…

I must be heading somewhere amazing if I’m to measure it by proportion to how awful I feel now…

Everything happens for a reason…

Everything, good or bad, is pushing me in the direction of something I’ve expressed a desire to have, be, or do and I must be patient so the Spirit can reveal itself to me…

But mostly, I held on to… This too shall pass.

It’s awesome.

And I don’t mean… wow, that’s awesome. I mean… I sit here at these keys feeling loved beyond reason and humbled and completely awed…. in indescribable A W E at the miracle I have been witness to and the power of my words and my connection to the all powerful creator of WORLDS that I am in, that is in me…. And even as I say those words, I feel mostly how inept they are in describing the most powerful feeling I’ve ever experienced.

As I typed the above paragraph, I paused in thought and looked to Mother Nature outside of my window to find my words as I often do, and there, bobbing by and headed into the woods about 15 feet away were about 25 wild turkey. I sat in this very chair yesterday telling my uncle who’s in from CA that I haven’t seen a turkey here in about 3 years. “I miss the turkeys..” I’d said.

So as I sit trying to find words to describe the indescribable awe I am feeling with regards to the astounding power of my words, I have the power of my words march right past my window.

It’s just awesome. A w e s o m e.

* * * * * * * * * * *

My affirmations until Monday, 8-24-10 on the Full Moon~
I AM a miracle in motion~ Only more miracles can come from me*
My words have power~ I will choose them wisely*

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New Moon Intentions

August 15th, 2010

Happy Spirit Day :)

I get a special treat on this wonderful Sunday because Mike left at 10:30 this morning, and took both Michael and Eddie to our local, county fair for the day, and they’ll likely not be home until 9 or 10 o’clock tonight. I haven’t had an entire day to myself since May! Three cheers for temporary, quiet solitude.

This week will be the last full week of summer vacation for the boys. They return to school next Wednesday, which we’re all excited about. It’ll sure be nice to have quiet days again, although I can already tell you that I’m going to miss them.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I sorta missed the boat on the New Moon this month. I acknowledged it, but wasn’t yet feeling UP enough to sit at my laptop and write much. I didn’t set any “official” intentions for this cycle, but I did manage to set some “unofficially” due to circumstances, so I’m going to go over them and make them official.

It is the obvious direction I’m being pulled toward. If I’ve learned anything in my life, it’s to go with the flow.

My official intention is: I want to take this new found awareness of my body and health, and implement greater changes into the lives of everyone in my family.

The habits I intend to practice this month are~

Cook lunch so Mike can eat at home for lunch a LOT more.
Prepare ALL of the boys’ lunches for school.
Eat well with intention and purpose.
Take my supplements daily.
Riding with the dogs.
Get up at the same time every day.

How I intend to implement these changes into my life~

** I think my best bet at hitting the first two will be to cook bigger and less. If I cook a large enough meal during the day, we can also eat it for dinner and still have leftovers in the fridge that will be good for 3-4 days depending. If I cook 2 large meals a week, and maybe a smaller one in the evening one night (because some things aren’t good as leftovers and I try to only cook what we eat. Like fish..), then between the fresh food and leftovers, there’s no reason we can’t eat all week.

And some things can be pretty easily morphed into other things. I made homemade sloppy joes with ground turkey for lunch one day. Then we ate leftovers for dinner. The next afternoon, I threw the sloppy joe meat in the crock pot and dumped a jar of tomato sauce on it and left it on low for 4 hours. Then I dumped in the noodles left from the chicken parm of 3 days ago and we had spaghetti for dinner.

Feeding everybody lunch has been a very daunting task in my mind in the past. I have to remember that it’s as easy or hard as I want it to be.

** I’m adding eating with intention and purpose again this cycle because it’s not automatic yet, and that’s my goal. To be more automatically present when I eat. I still forget and stuff my face mindlessly, but I’m getting much better. A little more practice won’t hurt.

** I’m also keeping my supplements listed for the same reason as above. I still miss days and I want it to be more of a habit.

A quick thought on habits. I heard once that when something becomes a true habit, it will be harder for you to NOT do it than it will be to operate by the habit. One of the simplest and yet silliest examples I could think of, from my own life is my turning signal. When I am in my car and turn, I HAVE to use my turning signal. When I drive down my driveway and am about to turn out onto the road, I use my turning signal. When it’s 2am and I’m the only car in sight on a back road in the middle of nowhere, I use my turning signal. I’ve tried NOT to use it, but I will compulsively hit it at the last moment before I go around a corner. I actually laugh at myself about it. I want being present and aware to be THAT kind of habit. When my mind wanders away I automatically and even compulsively flip that turning signal and come back into the moment at hand.

** Riding with the dogs is what I’ve been doing the past few days as I’ve been getting my strength back. Bandit 4 to 6 miles in the morning and then Abby 4 to 6 miles in the evening. It’s been good exercise for all three of us and I’m going to stick with it for exercise this cycle. I find it very peaceful out those times of day too, so I even look forward to it.

** Getting up at the same time every day is important right now because the boys go back to school in a WEEK! Tonight is their last night to observe our summer hours. They’ll be up late tonight and then get up at 7:30 tomorrow morning. That way at 9:30 when it’s time to go to sleep, they’ll actually be tired and ready. I’m looking forward to having a more productive schedule. I have to get this one together and walk the walk because kids are copy cats :)

* * * * * * * * * * *

A quick note on my affirmation that hasn’t changed yet. I’ve decided not to change it yet. I like this one. It makes me smile.

* * * * * * * * * * *

My affirmation until Monday, 8-24-10 on the Full Moon~
I AM a miracle in motion~ Only more miracles can come from me*

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