“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.” ~Mark Twain
I have GOT to stop apologizing for myself. I do this thing where no matter what I say or do or even FEEL, I quickly follow it up with something like, “I know, I’m weird… sorry.”
The truth is, I’m really not all that weird. In my heart, I know this. I know that many people cannot see past these three dimensions and anything that happens to them that hints at a more expansive, divine reality is quickly shoved under the rug.
No one wants to be thought of as being weird. No one wants to think that other people find them strange.
People’s acceptance of themselves is directly hinged on other people’s acceptance of them. This isn’t me. I mean, it IS me because I was raised and programed that way, but I’ve been breaking those bonds a little at a time for years.
Today, as I sit here, 99% of the planet could be whispering about how strange I am, and I really couldn’t care less. Not until one of the 99% is standing in front of me at least. That’s when I start making excuses and apologies.
No more.
So I talk to angels, and truly believe they’re there, even when I can’t see them. They answer me and what they say is true and verifiable. Why does that have to make me weird? How many people wish they could close their eyes and call out to an actual angel and get an immediate, personal response? Just because I practice and they wish and scoff doesn’t make me weird.
If they only knew that they ARE capable, I’m sure I would seem less weird.
So I talk to my garden. There’s scientific (because that’s what they care about most, right?) data that supports talking to plants and proves that there’s measurable benefit. Why do I feel the need to hide my true nature? Why do I deny myself?
I hide much of myself. Even from the one that loves me because of my strange. Why do I do that?
I’ve always tried to embrace my weird. I have a bumper sticker that’s stuck to the side of my fridge stating, “I’m not weird, I’m gifted!”
I guess I’m just afraid of not being accepted… Not by all those who would reject me, but by those I already love. Friends, family. I spent a good portion of my life being actively rejected by the man who was supposed to be acting as my father, and I know I have some issues still wrapped up tight in there.
Here comes the weird…. I chose an angel card yesterday, asking, “What is it that my angels would like me to know today?” I drew Archangel Uriel who is apparently all about psychological and emotional stuff.
As soon as I drew Him, I knew I was supposed to keep Him out of the deck, and connect to Him daily. I know I’m dealing with some sneaky issues, and I know Archangel Uriel is with me now to help me… and I’m gonna let Him.
And I guess this is my lesson today. It dropped right into my lap and got me thinking before I’d even finished my coffee.
Today, I will be true to myself. I will act in authentic ways with no apologies. I will wave my weird around! Let my freak flag fly! Let my strange, shine!
I am that I am.
by Walter Wangerin on my MP3 player in my ears. Twenty nine hours of the Bible… as a novel. Guess what my book review will be on Wednesday.
for my walk this morning. This one is a lecture given by Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson.
