Personal Growth « Blooming Where I'm Planted!

Seeking Life

August 29th, 2010

Happy Spirit day, my friends :)

Last night we attended Mike’s boss’ annual pig roast… And I got drunk and sang karaoke!

Some people really love to sing karaoke, and do it on a fairly regular basis. I am not one of those people. I did it last year at the boss’ party for the first time. Once I worked through the terror and the feeling that I was gonna throw up, it wasn’t so bad.

This year I was just as anxious. I had to keep pep talking myself into it.

“You’ve done this before. It’s no big deal. You LOVE to sing. No one booo’d you off stage. They’re drinking too and don’t care. Besides, you sound better than half of them. At least you keep tempo and KNOW the songs…”

So with that, I got up and opened with The Beatles, When I’m Sixty-Four.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I’m trying to live… as a verb. Not live as a passive bump-on-a-log like I’ve been doing for 12 years now.

I’m trying to get out there and do real things…. new things. Inside these walls, I have more experience than I really know what to do with. Out there, I have none.

I want to do more things that make me anxious and want to throw up… In a good way of course.

I want to feel that high, tingly, anxious, exhilarated, terrified like when you’re on a roller-coaster feeling! I want this feeling to be a part of my, maybe not everyday, but normal life.

I am bored because I am boring. There is so much out there and I long to find and experience it.

I want life to experience ME… authentically, as I am. I want to share ME with the rest of the world as readily as I want to soak up the experiences of all of It.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I’d intended to take guitar lessons with Michael this fall, and I still intend to do it, but I think we’ve had a minor change in plans.

Michael has just started a band class in school that will go on for six weeks. At the end of the six weeks, the kids who want to actually BE in the band will stay, and the rest will return to normal classes. I’m going to wait until the end of these six weeks to start guitar with him because I want him to learn everything they have to teach him about music.

Because I don’t want to wait that long, myself, and because I don’t want to start guitar without him because we won’t be in the same place then and won’t get the discount, I think I’m going to start taking piano lessons in the meantime.

I have always loved piano music and have wanted to learn to play piano for as long as I can remember. Yep, just typing it out makes me a little anxious and a little nauseated. LOL

* * * * * * * * * * *

I am learning that it’s that exhilarated feeling that creates.

It’s that feeling of overflowing joy beyond verbal expression that connects me right to the Universe. When I cultivate that feeling within me as I’ve been doing for a few weeks now, I feel as though I’m sitting right in God’s lap…. Like God is actually Santa and whatever I throw out there while on the lap will readily come flyin’ at me.

Doing things I love to do is good. I mean like, writing, riding my bike, walking in nature, playing with my dogs, etc…

These are all great feeling things that help me to create happiness in my life. But I’m also finding that, when I get the shot of super high exhilaration, it creates faster.

So I will. I will seek things that scare the crap out of me. I will seek things I’ve never done. I will seek things… feelings, experiences… all of it.

I am a seeker.

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Comments ( 8 )

Conscious Living, Inspiration, Intention Manifestation, joy quest, Living Life Authentic, Music, Personal Growth, Self Love

All Growed Up with Some Place to Go

August 20th, 2010

We ventured out to our local amusement and water park yesterday with the boys. We go every summer and they begin looking forward to it on the car ride home the year before.

We were all ready to walk out the door, and I went in my bedroom to do a sweep of the area to make sure I didn’t forget anything. My eyes scanned over everything, and landed on my tarot cards. I hadn’t drawn a card in several days and I figured today would be a great day if there ever was one, so I sat down and began to shuffle.

I drew the Tower.

*Sudden, dramatic change, upheaval. There’s a possibly uncomfortable change on the rise…*

That made me want to worry a little given that we were leaving town for the day. I decided to let go of the worry by saying a prayer for fun, health, and safety. Then I let it go and out the door we went.

The amusement park doesn’t open until 1pm. We always start in the water park because it opens at 11am. Usually around 2pm we are starving, so we go out to the vehicle where we stretch out with each other and the radio and have a nice picnic lunch. After lunch, we go through the dry park for a few hours. Around 5pm, we go back in the water park until 7pm when it closes. Then it’s back out to the amusement park until it closes at 10pm. It makes for a busy, exhausting day.

Well….

We were in the water park for about 10 minutes when I realized what my sudden, dramatic change was. It WAS an upheaval and it WAS uncomfortable. And it was certainly sudden and dramatic.

For the first time ever, my boys went off to play in the water park by themselves. They left Mike and I to float around the “Endless River” on tubes alone. I wanted to cry. When did my babies grow up?

We didn’t even talk about it before hand. We got inside and Michael looked at us and said, “Can we go by ourselves?”

Mike and I looked at each other and he said, “Well, it IS completely enclosed. There ARE 4 or 5 lifeguards at every post, AND only one door out….”

Then he looked at the boys and said, “You are not to leave the water park for any reason and if someone tries to make you leave, you sit down wherever you are and scream your head off… That way everyone will know something isn’t right… Okay?”

There was an immediate round of nods and agreements and then, BAM… my babies grew up right before my eyes.

I’m trying to hold tight to the perspective, “Isn’t is wonderful to watch the growth of these two little people?! Isn’t it beautiful how they are becoming whoever they’re going to be and I get to influence them and help them to truly know who they are?!”

I will adjust. I won’t hold them back. I won’t TRY to control and shape them, but instead through my love and encouragement, I will teach them about their own control, and allow them to take shape.

Still my heart hurts…

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Conscious Parenting, Personal Growth, Tarot

Manifesting Amazing Health

August 17th, 2010

It’s truly amazing to me, the depth of health and wellness that I am feeling within my own body!

Before, I couldn’t eat anything until at LEAST eleven o’clock every morning. I would always say, “I just can’t eat in the morning. I’m not a breakfast person.”

Turns out, I AM a breakfast person. I wake up hungry now! Not raw or achy or acidy… but hungry!

I used to have a headache every day. I know it sounds like I must be exaggerating some, but on my honor, I am not. Every single day for the past several YEARS, I have had a headache every single day. Some days I was able to shift my focus and virtually forget the pain, leaving it only a dull annoyance in the background of my day. Some days I was incapacitated, on the couch, praying for relief.

As of today, I haven’t had a headache in FOUR DAYS!!! That’s incredible to me. I’ve been involved in multiple car accidents in the past and my back is a little crooked as a result. I’ve always attributed my headaches to my back and neck… but I was wrong.

At this point, I don’t know for sure if it was the sorbitol or the aspertame in my gum, but it’s VERY clear to me that one of them was causing me to have a daily headache.

I’ve been completely off my gum for two weeks and two days as of this morning, and I have to say, I feel better than I have in probably 6 years.

Even at the peak of my diet and exercise changes, when I was at my “healthiest,” there was always this undertone of “I don’t feel good” that was in me. I felt thin and healthy and happy… with a headache and cloudy thoughts and burning with urination and bowel issues and sore, achy muscles, and stomach pain etc…

I thought that was just how it is. Just how the body works.

It’s NOT!

I feel healthy and vibrant and happy and AMAZING, quite frankly.

I woke up Friday last week feeling amazing. Better than I can ever remember feeling. Then Saturday morning, I was absolutely STUNNED to find that I felt even better than the day before. THEN… the same thing happened again on Sunday… and AGAIN on Monday!!

Each day I was impressed with the raised level of healthfulness I felt, thinking I must’ve finally reached the end of the poison and the beginning of my healing , but each day I was blissfully amazed at how wrong I was and how I now feel even GREATER than the day before.

I had never imagined that I could feel this good in my own body. Never.

Back on July’s New Moon, I’d started to thank God for my health every day. I was focusing on my health and body for the cycle, and it sure seemed logical to think and thank about it.

“Thank you, God, for the great health I possess and the knowledge I’ve been given so I may consciously perpetuate mt wellness…”

It wasn’t an affirmation really… but a prayer. I mean, I said it pretty much in those exact words, every single day at least once… Well hell… I suppose it WAS an affirmation. LOL

I gotta say though… As I say those words today, no sentence has EVER been truer for me, right now, than THAT sentence. It literally became more and more true and real as I said it.

And yes, I was beginning to feel a little skeptical as I seemed to be getting sicker and sicker as I prayed gratitude for my health, but I hung in and kept in my mind, the ideas that…

It’s darkest before the dawn…

Sometimes we have to do some tearing down before we can build…

I must be heading somewhere amazing if I’m to measure it by proportion to how awful I feel now…

Everything happens for a reason…

Everything, good or bad, is pushing me in the direction of something I’ve expressed a desire to have, be, or do and I must be patient so the Spirit can reveal itself to me…

But mostly, I held on to… This too shall pass.

It’s awesome.

And I don’t mean… wow, that’s awesome. I mean… I sit here at these keys feeling loved beyond reason and humbled and completely awed…. in indescribable A W E at the miracle I have been witness to and the power of my words and my connection to the all powerful creator of WORLDS that I am in, that is in me…. And even as I say those words, I feel mostly how inept they are in describing the most powerful feeling I’ve ever experienced.

As I typed the above paragraph, I paused in thought and looked to Mother Nature outside of my window to find my words as I often do, and there, bobbing by and headed into the woods about 15 feet away were about 25 wild turkey. I sat in this very chair yesterday telling my uncle who’s in from CA that I haven’t seen a turkey here in about 3 years. “I miss the turkeys..” I’d said.

So as I sit trying to find words to describe the indescribable awe I am feeling with regards to the astounding power of my words, I have the power of my words march right past my window.

It’s just awesome. A w e s o m e.

* * * * * * * * * * *

My affirmations until Monday, 8-24-10 on the Full Moon~
I AM a miracle in motion~ Only more miracles can come from me*
My words have power~ I will choose them wisely*