Bringing Peace

February 28th, 2011

I was on the telephone at eight o’clock this morning. On the telephone, and on hold, waiting for Michael’s teacher to pick up the other end so I could blast him right out of his chair.

I’d written a pretty forceful email on Friday, but when I sent it to Ash, and asked her opinion, she told me not to send it.  I’m an impulsive person, so I try to get the advice of a trusted, less impulsive person before I jump off any bridges.

Because she’s got to be one of the most level headed and sane people I know ( ♥  her), I took her advice and just let it go for the weekend.

“Mr. Thomas” stepped over the line a little and in a moment of frustrated anger, he embarrassed Michael and made him feel humiliated and stupid.  Then he added insult to injury by committing a thoughtless deed that meant very little to him, but meant a LOT to Michael, so the kid got kicked while he was already down.

You want to see fire shoot from the face of a woman?  Hurt her kid.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

I can hear Mike and the boys in the other room talking about normal morning stuff. I can hear voices in the distant background on the other end of the phone line.

I’m waiting.

I don’t know what I’m going to say.  I want to explode, and yet I don’t want to be seen as the crazy, exploding mom.  I want to be heard, and taken seriously.  I don’t want to overreact, and being that I wasn’t there myself, that’s hard to judge.  I know Michael is worried about the “fall out” of the call.  He doesn’t want to be uncomfortable at school.

And then BAM!  I knew what to do.

Right there, holding the phone to my ear and waiting on hold, I closed my eyes and took a deep, conscious breath and relaxed on the exhale.  Then, in my mind I said, “Please help me to bring peace to this situation…”

In the blink of an eye, I realized, I don’t have to be right.  I don’t have to yell.  I don’t have to make him feel bad for making Michael feel bad.  I’d already talked with Michael about how this teacher has 90 students, and by the time his class is there in the afternoon, this guy has clearly been worn thin and is ready to go home.

I don’t have to make this guy feel defensive.  I don’t have to accuse.

What I DO have to do is bring peace to this situation for the highest good of all involved.  And as soon as I’d cleared my head, and asked for help, I suddenly, just knew it would be fine.

And it was.

It was a productive conversation.  I didn’t have to accuse anyone of anything.  As soon as he was on the line, he told me that he spoke out of turn and apologized, saying he intended to speak with Michael as soon as he got there.

Then we were able to discuss the current project which is what seems to be the trigger that’s stressing both of them.  As it turns out, Michael is further along than Mr Thomas thought he was, and most of the stress was unfounded.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Thank you Miss Ash for being my friend and sounding board. Many people say they don’t know what they’d do without a loved one.  I know what I would do if I didn’t have you.  I would talk to no one because most think I’m insane a good portion of the time, and I’d make myself look like a complete asshole a lot more frequently.  You are not the wind beneath my wings, but the gravity that keeps me grounded.  Thank God for you.

Thank you angels or guides or Yeshua or God or all or everything… You all give some kick-ass advice when I’m able to shut up and listen.  Bring peace.  Good one.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

It amazes me that such a highly charged subject was so easily brought to a peaceful end, and on a Monday morning. Gives me great hope for this day… This week…

Not that I had any doubts to begin with…

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Out of the Mouths of Babes

November 9th, 2010

I believe that knowledge is power.  I try to arm my children with knowledge and allow them to control their own lives (supervised of course) and make their own choices so they grow up feeling in control and empowered and independent.

OscarI try not to make rules.  I try to explain the choices available and then explain MY choice.  This is what I would choose, and this is why.  Lead by example, right?  They do as you do, not as you say.

I love when you are rewarded with a moment in which you can clearly see that you are making a difference in what they think.  You are being heard even though it feels like they aren’t listening most of the time.

We’ve all heard the saying, “If I knew then what I know now…..”  That’s what this is.  An opportunity for them to live THEIR “then” with the knowledge of MY now.  But it’s not my job to make them do anything.

It’s my job to practice what I preach in every aspect of my life and show them the way.  Not dictate the way, and then enforce it.

So here’s my conversation with Michael… my 10 (11 next month) year old.  As a side note, he asked me what irony was a few months ago.  I tried to explain, but he said he didn’t quite get it.  Guess he’s past that now…

Son: Mom, why would someone call their pizza “Tombstone?”

Mom: *Contemplates a moment* I don’t know why. Kind of a dumb name, huh?

Son: I wonder if it’s meant to be ironic.

Mom: Ironic? How?

Son: Because it’s processed fake food and a tombstone is what you’ll need from eating it.

Mom: *Stares blankly* (blink blink)

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All Growed Up with Some Place to Go

August 20th, 2010

We ventured out to our local amusement and water park yesterday with the boys.  We go every summer and they begin looking forward to it on the car ride home the year before.

We were all ready to walk out the door, and I went in my bedroom to do a sweep of the area to make sure I didn’t forget anything.  My eyes scanned over everything, and landed on my tarot cards.  I hadn’t drawn a card in several days and I figured today would be a great day if there ever was one, so I sat down and began to shuffle.

I drew the Tower.

*Sudden, dramatic change, upheaval.   There’s a possibly uncomfortable change on the rise…*

That made me want to worry a little given that we were leaving town for the day.  I decided to let go of the worry by saying a prayer for fun, health, and safety.  Then I let it go and out the door we went.

The amusement park doesn’t open until 1pm.  We always start in the water park because it opens at 11am.  Usually around 2pm we are starving, so we go out to the vehicle where we stretch out with each other and the radio and have a nice picnic lunch.  After lunch, we go through the dry park for a few hours.  Around 5pm, we go back in the water park until 7pm when it closes.  Then it’s back out to the amusement park until it closes at 10pm.  It makes for a busy, exhausting day.

Well….

We were in the water park for about 10 minutes when I realized what my sudden, dramatic change was.  It WAS an upheaval and it WAS uncomfortable.  And it was certainly sudden and dramatic.

For the first time ever, my boys went off to play in the water park by themselves.  They left Mike and I to float around the “Endless River” on tubes alone.  I wanted to cry.  When did my babies grow up?

We didn’t even talk about it before hand.  We got inside and Michael looked at us and said, “Can we go by ourselves?”

Mike and I looked at each other and he said, “Well, it IS completely enclosed.  There ARE 4 or 5 lifeguards at every post, AND only one door out….”

Then he looked at the boys and said, “You are not to leave the water park for any reason and if someone tries to make you leave, you sit down wherever you are and scream your head off… That way everyone will know something isn’t right… Okay?”

There was an immediate round of nods and agreements and then, BAM… my babies grew up right before my eyes.

I’m trying to hold tight to the perspective, “Isn’t is wonderful to watch the growth of these two little people?!  Isn’t it beautiful how they are becoming whoever they’re going to be and I get to influence them and help them to truly know who they are?!”

I will adjust.  I won’t hold them back.  I won’t TRY to control and shape them, but instead through my love and encouragement, I will teach them about their own control, and allow them to take shape.

Still my heart hurts…

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