Reality Wishes & Fairytale Dreams
August 31st, 2010
Greetings, my smiling friends!
Today is a very special day for Mike and I. Today we have been arm in arm in this world together for 12 years. I still wake up in the morning and wonder what amazing stockpiles of karma I must’ve earned in my last life to be so completely blessed in this one.
It really is a dream life. A fairytale. Some perfect work of fiction romanticized by a poet who lived long ago, now manifest in a living reality. My reality.
Even when I hate him, which is very rarely, I still love him with a force so all consuming as to take my breath. A force intensified by a thousand when I am loving him.
It’s unreal to me sometimes. There are days I fear I might wake up.
He makes me want to be better. To do better. To live up to him.
There is always a danger when you place someone upon a pedestal, that they may topple off. But it’s not upon a pedestal that I keep him. He just IS that fantastic. There is no one thing that he could ever do that would displace him from my heart. Never in my entire life has any person loved me so completely, and without condition.
It truly is a beautiful fairytale in which I reside.
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My affirmations until ….. ? I LOVE these 3!!!~
I AM a miracle in motion~ Only more miracles can come from me*
My words have power~ I will choose them wisely*
Wonderful new experiences give me wonderful new ways to express the divinity that I am*
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It Approaches
August 31st, 2010
Cold mist
forming, gliding ethereally as the cloak of night pulls tight across the scape.
Sun sparks like flint.
Tips of fire
burning crimson, climbing limbs like crackling fuse.
Dog feet
wet with dew bounding in with morning glee.
Autumn
Seeking Life
August 29th, 2010
Happy Spirit day, my friends :)
Last night we attended Mike’s boss’ annual pig roast… And I got drunk and sang karaoke!
Some people really love to sing karaoke, and do it on a fairly regular basis. I am not one of those people. I did it last year at the boss’ party for the first time. Once I worked through the terror and the feeling that I was gonna throw up, it wasn’t so bad.
This year I was just as anxious. I had to keep pep talking myself into it.
“You’ve done this before. It’s no big deal. You LOVE to sing. No one booo’d you off stage. They’re drinking too and don’t care. Besides, you sound better than half of them. At least you keep tempo and KNOW the songs…”
So with that, I got up and opened with The Beatles, When I’m Sixty-Four.
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I’m trying to live… as a verb. Not live as a passive bump-on-a-log like I’ve been doing for 12 years now.
I’m trying to get out there and do real things…. new things. Inside these walls, I have more experience than I really know what to do with. Out there, I have none.
I want to do more things that make me anxious and want to throw up… In a good way of course.
I want to feel that high, tingly, anxious, exhilarated, terrified like when you’re on a roller-coaster feeling! I want this feeling to be a part of my, maybe not everyday, but normal life.
I am bored because I am boring. There is so much out there and I long to find and experience it.
I want life to experience ME… authentically, as I am. I want to share ME with the rest of the world as readily as I want to soak up the experiences of all of It.
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I’d intended to take guitar lessons with Michael this fall, and I still intend to do it, but I think we’ve had a minor change in plans.
Michael has just started a band class in school that will go on for six weeks. At the end of the six weeks, the kids who want to actually BE in the band will stay, and the rest will return to normal classes. I’m going to wait until the end of these six weeks to start guitar with him because I want him to learn everything they have to teach him about music.
Because I don’t want to wait that long, myself, and because I don’t want to start guitar without him because we won’t be in the same place then and won’t get the discount, I think I’m going to start taking piano lessons in the meantime.
I have always loved piano music and have wanted to learn to play piano for as long as I can remember. Yep, just typing it out makes me a little anxious and a little nauseated. LOL
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I am learning that it’s that exhilarated feeling that creates.
It’s that feeling of overflowing joy beyond verbal expression that connects me right to the Universe. When I cultivate that feeling within me as I’ve been doing for a few weeks now, I feel as though I’m sitting right in God’s lap…. Like God is actually Santa and whatever I throw out there while on the lap will readily come flyin’ at me.
Doing things I love to do is good. I mean like, writing, riding my bike, walking in nature, playing with my dogs, etc…
These are all great feeling things that help me to create happiness in my life. But I’m also finding that, when I get the shot of super high exhilaration, it creates faster.
So I will. I will seek things that scare the crap out of me. I will seek things I’ve never done. I will seek things… feelings, experiences… all of it.
I am a seeker.
