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A Leap in Consciousness

August 13th, 2010

I got this comment on my “A Non-Toxic Life” post and it REALLY got my brain working so I wanted to really answer it thoroughly and I thought a blog post would be the best way.

Thanks so much, Debby, for your comments, well wishes, and questions.

* * * * * * * * * * *

El, I feel for you. Thank you for the warning to your readers.

I would be furious. Are you angry? at whom?
the gum company, the government who allowed it?
yourself? the angels who didn’t stop you? How do you get past the anger. I have anger issues and haven’t figured it out how to deal with the feeling of being screwed.

El, we are glad you are feeling better and hope there is no lasting damage. Speedy healing.

Debby

* * * * * * * * * * *

When I read this, I was completely struck by what a fantastic question it was. It REALLY gave me something to think about. I chewed on it for a little bit and wasn’t really sure HOW I felt about it all. I know that sounds odd. I thought it was odd, myself, when I realized it.

Am I angry about what happened to me?

My first instinct was to say… yeah… a little. I mean, it sorta pisses me off the way things are run. The way they take a new drug or additive or preservative and do 10 studies on it, and have 7 of the 10 studies find that it is likely harmful, and so the other 3 studies are the ones that get published. It all comes back to money. Always.

But once I passed through those thoughts, I came back to my true belief, and that is….
We are all responsible for ourselves.

It’s my job to educate myself and know what I want and what I don’t and to arrange and live my life accordingly, and in the most conscious way I am able. Really… I’m a little angry with myself because I AM a chronic label reader. How could I have eaten something on a daily basis having never even glanced at the label on it?! I know better. I DO better. I don’t know why I never thought to do it.

I realized something really wonderful though. The silver lining. The manifestation that came out of the disruption.

Through this entire ordeal, I’ve spent loads of time in bed and have had loads of time to myself to think. I’ve been thinking about reading labels and the things we put into our bodies and just how conscious we are about our health and how much more conscious we could possibly be and I made a decision.

See, my husband and his brother work together. The also eat lunch together every day. They eat Subway four days of the week, and on the fifth day, my brother-in-law picks his fast food poison of choice and they eat there. And they alternate who pays, every other day.

Well, I decided that I will cook an actual meal at lunchtime and that Mike should come home with his brother and eat here on his days to buy. While I firmly believe that Subway is the lesser evil of everything they COULD be eating for lunch, I am uncomfortable with the amount of preservatives and nitrates and the like that are found in deli meats. Studies have shown that you increase the risk of heart disease by like 40% when you eat processed meats like those more than ONCE a week…. of course here we are with the “studies” again :)

But that’s the whole point. I know what’s in the food. So does he. If he has a heart attack because of all the garbage that he consumed at lunch every day, there’s really no one to blame but US. And that’s why I decided to cook for him more. I’m home. I’m ABLE to do it.

It’s even bigger than that though.

I’ve had an overall goal to live my life more authentically for about a year now. I live like I want to and I believe in myself and my way of being, but I have a way of censoring myself. This blog has been a wonderful catalyst to my finding my voice. I’ve grown tired of censoring myself for people in my “real life” because of what they might think of me or how they might react to some things. So, one of my biggest desires has been to be more at peace with myself so I may live my life authentically. I want to talk the talk and walk the walk and smile and wave, even if they’re not waving back. LOL

Ever since I decided this silly little lunch thing, it’s been so much more profound for me than I imagined. It’s gotten me off my butt and cleaning a little more (which isn’t a bad thing… my house needs it… I’m prone to bored housewife syndrome :)~ ) because I can’t stomach the idea of having an in-law in my house with it cluttered and messy. I’m also recognizing the chance to be a good and positive influence on my brother-in-law. He’s only 38 years old and has high cholesterol, high blood pressure, is at least 80 pounds overweight, and has a host of back problems… and don’t get me started on the list of meds!

So now I’m finding that I get to have better control over the health of MY nearest and dearest, and I get to be an example to someone who really needs the help. He needs to know that eating well isn’t tasteless. Sometimes all we need is a small nudge in the right direction. I’d be honored to be his nudge.

The reason I’m telling you all this though… The reason this is all relevant to the question at hand…

I didn’t connect this new sense of purpose… this new decision… this new “authenticness”… to my ordeal with the sorbitol, but it is directly and immediately connected. It is because of that that this new way of thinking has come about. My level of consciousness has changed and I am now seeing things I didn’t see before and my life is now changing in new and wonderful ways. I grew, as a Spiritual being, as a person, as a mother, as a wife…. I became MORE because of that ordeal with the sorbitol.

So no… I’m not angry. I’ve initiated changes into my life and the lives of those I love that I never would’ve made had I not been bonked over the head with the sorbitol.

It occurred to me also that it was maybe easy for me to say because I’m not permanently damaged physically as a result of it all, but I don’t actually know that yet. I haven’t been fully checked out. But this also brings be back to another root belief of mine. I like it best the way the Christians put it…. If God brought you to it, God will bring you through it.

I think that sometimes we want to move in a certain direction and we have trouble doing it and the Universe just has to reach down and nudge us in the right direction. If you ignore your Universal nudging, the nudge turns to a thrust, then to a shove, then before ya know it, you’re flat on your back wondering what happened. I figure I must’ve been at LEAST to the far side of a thrust. LOL

But when you finally stop resisting and give in to the urging of the Universe, things come together even better than they were before and life just starts working for ya… And right now I really feel like that’s exactly where I am. I wasn’t brought to something that I won’t come through, shining brighter than before.

And I learned a really great lesson… or really RE-learned a lesson that now resonates with me on a deeper level.

I am responsible for me (and my family). If we are to thrive and be well, it is up to ME and no one else. And I would have to say that as Mike is approaching 40, I probably really needed this lesson right now because I happen to be quite fond of him and want to do everything in my power to keep him healthy and happy and here with me. I learned that I have even more power than I thought.

I believe that seeing the good that comes out in direct relation to the bad is the key to understanding and accepting the cycles of life for what they really are…. Just changes. Life must change. I know that these new changes in my life are going to continue. There will be a ripple effect from it and I’m excited to see what wonderful things will happen. It’s all change and it’s all going to happen no matter what. I am just in the habit of rolling with the changes and making them as positive overall as I can.

* * * * * * * * * * *

My affirmation until Monday, 8-24-10 on the Full Moon~
I AM a miracle in motion~ Only more miracles can come from me*

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Acceptance, Allowing, Attraction in Action, Conscious Living, Living Life Authentic, Manifestation, Personal Growth

A Non-Toxic Life

August 9th, 2010

Hello. My name is El and I’m a chronic label reader.
(murmurs all around, “Hi El..”)

How then did this one ingredient slip past me repeatedly, and for SO long that it finally made me sick? Easy. It hid inside of something that I’d never even really considered to HAVE ingredients. My gum.

I have been having minor to major GI issues for a few years now. Three to be more exact.

It all started on March 1, 2006. When I got out of bed that day, it was the first day of my new habit of choosing not to smoke cigarettes anymore.

On March 1, 2007 I did a fabulous happy dance through my house as I celebrated one entire year without a cigarette. There was a little less celebration over the fact that I’d not only gained 30 pounds, but that it had put me up over 200 pounds which is where I’d SWORN to never go again.

To curb the eating, I began to chew gum. Freedent gum. I have dentures and this kind of gum is my only option because all others stick to my teeth and are near impossible to get off. I started walking every day and let go of my food by chewing anywhere from 4-6 sticks of gum each day.

Because I was also trying to lose weight that I knew would only stay off with a life change, I also at this time changed the diet of my entire family. Loads more fruits and veggies and whole grains and WAY less sugar and processed foods. Over the years since as I’ve become more and more health conscious our diet has become more organic and even MORE natural. Nothing but better.

It was around this time that I noticed a lot more gas and bloating. The squeamish should skip the next lines. I also became very regular, having a BM after my morning coffee every single day like clockwork, but it wasn’t quite right. Never solid. Always mushy and unformed. I was also beginning to experience a lot of cramping in my lower abdomen, but I chalked it ALL up to my high fiber, low sugar/fat diet and the fact that I drink 2-3 cups of coffee a day which has a laxative effect for most people.

Now we fast forward to Sunday 7-25-10

I woke up feeling off. My whole GI was upset and irritated. I ate almost nothing all day.
The next day (Monday) wasn’t much better. My husband suggested that the “strong enough to stand a spoon in” coffee that I drink might be irritating my stomach and maybe I should lay off for a few days. I agreed that he may be on to something and decided to drink none for a bit.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I drank tea in place of coffee. I was not improving. Actually, I was feeling steadily worse. My appetite all but gone, I was eating only small amounts of this and that, here and there.

Saturday dawned in a dark shadow. I felt awful. My stomach in knots. Diarrhea to the extreme. No nausea, but no urge to eat at all. I spent the entire day in bed.

I had no fever, chills, body aches, sore throat, runny nose, headache…. nothing. Just massive GI upset with painful cramps and bloating.

Sunday rolled in just as darkly as Saturday had. Sunday 8-1-10. I’d been growing more and more uncomfortable for an entire week now. I didn’t get out of bed much Sunday. I came out to socialize with my family and sit in a chair for 10 minutes, 2 or 3 times over the course of the day, but spent most of the day holed up in my bedroom watching reruns and movies in bed.

Sunday evening, Mike took the boys to Dairy Queen (our Sunday evening family “thing” in the summer) and I stayed home in bed feeling awful. I was watching a movie and trying to relax and my attention was drawn to the fact that my mouth was dry and my breath didn’t feel all that fresh… especially after not eating for 2 days. I got up and went over to my dresser and popped a piece of gum into my mouth.

I made it back to my bed as the fresh, minty flavor of the gum flooded my mouth. My stomach twisted and wrenched inside of me.

Just then, a voice in my head, just as clear as if it came from an invisible person standing beside me said, “It’s in the gum, silly girl.”

I walked back over and picked up the pack and turned it in my hands, trying to locate the ingredient list, hoping it would be available on the pack and not just on the box that the packs arrive at the store in.

INGREDIENTS:SUGAR, GUM BASE, CORN SYRUP, LESS THAN 2% OF: GLYCEROL, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, SORBITOL, SOY LECITHIN, ASPARTAME, ACESULFAME K, BHT (TO MAINTAIN FRESHNESS). PHENYLKETONURICS: CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE
source~ http://www.wrigley.com/global/brands/freedent.aspx

“Oh my God!” I thought. “What in the hell have I been eating!?”

I don’t DO “sugar free” specifically because I don’t do artificial sweeteners. They’re chemicals. They’re unnatural and as far as I’m concerned, NOT good for you in any way. Yes, you get less calories if you drink a diet soda, but I think the sugar in a regular soda is the least of your worries when it comes to what’s in it.

It never even occurred to me that there would be aspartame and sorbitol in gum that wasn’t sugar free.

So, knowing only that they are artificial sweeteners that are bad for me, I went to do some research. Turns out sorbitol is a LAXATIVE.

I’ve been ingesting a laxative, 4 to 6+ times a day for roughly 3 years straight! Holy CRAP! No wonder my GI tract is upset and irritated!

I spat the gum out and threw away every last piece I had. You’d think that’d be the end of it, but if you did, as I did, you would also be VERY, VERY wrong. This was just the point at which my body began to detox.

Wednesday morning @ 5am, I reach the peak of my resistance and drove my trembling, weeping, doubled over self to the emergency room. The first thing they gave me was an IV of saline and a shot of ativan (anti-anxiety) so I could stop shaking and bawling.

I tried to explain all of the above to the ER doctor but he clearly felt me hysterical and kept using words like flu and virus and parasite and e-coli. He wasn’t listening to me at all, but I figured there was no harm in eliminating all other possibilities. I did notice, however, that the more of that saline that dripped into my arm, the better I seemed to feel. I’d been drinking plenty of fluids because people die from dehydration associated with diarrhea, but I got the impression that I should drink even more. This was actually when the “detox” concept really hit me.

This is also when it hit me that, over the past week, as my appetite shrunk more and more, and the GI symptoms increased, I was also actually chewing MORE gum than usual. Mostly just keeping the rotten tasting cotton mouth at bay, but unwittingly increasing my toxicity level AND immediate side effects. Hence, every pain and discomfort was steadily increasing.

So, the hospital discharged me an hour later with a diagnosis of “gastroenteritis” brought on due to the flu, which basically means, you have a bellyache and we’re not sure why. But they did take blood, urine, and stool samples and promised to have my results in three days. Stay hydrated and come back if you don’t get better.

At this point, on this Wednesday morning, on this day 11 of my “illness,” I am officially down 9 pounds.

I spent Wednesday and Thursday, shaking, crying, and detoxing in bed. Friday was a little better and Saturday, even more so. Saturday evening, my appetite even reared it’s head and I ate some applesauce and crackers.

Sunday morning~ 8-8-10, I woke up with a grumble in my belly, but it didn’t launch me from my bed in a panicked dash for the bathroom. It coaxed me from my bed with the promise of abating if I’d only go into the bathroom… and I did… and it did.

Official weight tally… Day 15, down 13 pounds.

Sunday I ate a pretty steady amount of food all day. Very small portions of very bland food, but I ate about every 2-3 hours. A lot less grumble. A lot less pain and cramping.

Lots of enter, no more exit :)

And finally, this morning… Monday. Day 16. I woke to the radio of Mike’s alarm clock at 7am, taking note that I’d actually slept all night. I feel almost completely normal. Still a little soft in the stool, but sure not like before.

The hospital, which has definitely failed to impress me, didn’t call with the results of all my tests until this morning. They gave me a clean bill of health. They found NOTHING. Apparently they’re standing by their peculiarly symptom deficient diagnosis of the flu.

Whatever….

I’m going to find a doctor to do, probably, a colonoscopy on me. I’ve been overdosing on laxative, every day, for the past 3 years. I want someone to LOOK in there and make sure there’s no damage.

So this is my testimonial. Look at the list of ingredients on the things you eat. Even if they’re things you only chew and not swallow. Even if it’s not actually food.

And I highly recommend avoiding sorbitol at all costs. I know I sure intend to.

* * * * * * * * * * *

My affirmation until Monday, 8-9-10 on the New Moon~
I AM a miracle in motion~ Only more miracles can come from me*

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Comments ( 6 )

Body Love, Conscious Living, green living, Self Love

Joy Quest Month 3

July 15th, 2010

I took some pictures of my little garden today and I was completely stunned by the before and after. It made me feel so happy, I just had to post about it. If you remember, my garden started out as a “Joy Quest” in April. I REALLY needed something and I just felt inspired to throw myself into my garden, and so I have.

It’s really been just what I needed. I feel so calm and relaxed when I sit by my garden and pull weeds or work the soil with my hands. It’s also far more gratifying than I’d have ever imagined to pull my own vegetables out of my own garden and cook them for my family. I’m already anticipating next year! With the knowledge I’ve gained thus far, next year is going to be amazing!!!

~ These are the before pictures. They were taken the day everything went in on May 4, 2010 ~