Good Day!!
I am just fit to split at the seams from happiness! Over what? Nothing really. lol It’s just a great day to be alive.
I made it through that awful, murky, depressing couple of weeks I was in and I’m now freely floating in the presence of the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
Here’s the prologue to this blog post. Ha ha… it’s a problog…
It is my goal to portray my life in as real a way as possible. At no time do I ever intend to project a perfect, problem free life. My goal is to be empowered within my life and to share all the ups and downs with others who are seeking empowerment of their own. My goal is to prove that you can have good days and bad days and problems and issues and live a normal life and still be happy beyond words. My goal is to show that even when it’s not perfect all the time, it still somehow is perfect.
I’ve been dumping on here a lot lately, and I don’t want anyone to think that I’ve gone off the deep end.
This post summarizes my recent downs… and why, with the right perception, they’re actually ups.
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I’ve been feeling a bit off. Unappreciated. Down. It’s been going on for about a month.
Back on September’s New Moon, I set an intention to go within. I’d intended to meditate more and to keep a more regular journal. Going within is tricky business because you never can be sure what will come out. I came out feeling sluggish and tired and unappreciated and taken for granted and on and on…
Last Tuesday when I posted The Screaming Banshee Strikes, I included pics I took of a sticker on the back of a truck on my way to a doctor appointment. Well, I came home from that appointment with my doctor recommending I have a hysterectomy. I was completely blown away. It’s because I’m having some pretty prominent discomfort and I’ve had my tubes tied for 8 years now. I don’t NEED my uterus anymore and if I’m in pain, he sees no reason why I shouldn’t take it out for some relief.
Wow. I feel down and now it’s starting to rain on me.
Then, two days later, on Thursday I had an appointment at my family doctor about what’s been going on in my gut since my sorbitol ordeal and he wants me to have a colonoscopy and a complete GI work up.
Yay.
So now I feel like crap and there’s mutiny going on in my body. Fantastic. How is it that I sit down and meditate to feel good and just end up feeling shittier and shittier?! How is it that I intend to love and care for my body and it betrays me?!
But being me… and having had the experiences I’ve had, I know this isn’t the end. I know there’s more. I know circumstance is going somewhere with all of this and I know it’ll all be right in the end… so I relax and meditate and focus on loving my body.
Saturday dawns bright. Alan comes this weekend. I miss him and it really sucks only seeing him one weekend a month now, but I know he’s getting older and older and I’m only going to see him less and less. Soon he’ll be off to college and I’ll only see him on holidays.
He’s starting on the varsity football team this year. My 6′ 3″, 220 pound sixteen year old who benches 275. *glow*
So I spent Saturday and Sunday talking to and hanging out with him. He’s gotten so slim and muscular. He came walking through the house without a shirt on and I was completely struck by how much more handsome he is than his father was at that age. LOL But don’t tell either I said so.
But Sunday night, after he’d gone home, I was thinking about the conversations we’d had and how much more he’s come to care about his body. How much he actually enjoys exercise now and how fit he is.
“I wish I had someone to work out with,” I thought. “It was so much easier to get off my butt and exercise when there was someone to socialize with…”
And then it struck me. Why not join Curves again? And THEN I realized that I’d reached the idea that had been struggling to get to the surface.
How do I know for sure?
Because I’ve been taking piano lessons every Wednesday. I had my first and second, but had to cancel my third. The following Wednesday, I decided that I just wasn’t able to practice as much as I’d like in between classes and it had actually been GOOD that I had a whole two weeks between those lessons… so that’s what we’re doing as of last Wednesday. Every other week.
That means I’m now spending $30 a month on piano lessons instead of $60. A savings of $30. A membership at Curves is $30 a month. Everything lined up for me and balanced out before I even registered the idea. If I was able to be more active in piano, I wouldn’t even have considered doing both. I was a little disappointed in myself because I wasn’t able to keep up with weekly lessons, but now… standing here looking back… it’s CLEARLY the better scenario for me.
So, I re-joined Curves on Monday morning. I had a great workout and felt high for the rest of the day. As I sit here now, on Wednesday, only a few days in, my body already feels different. Tighter. I always notice that the jiggle jiggles different almost immediately when I start working out regularly.
This is what I needed. I feel appreciation for myself now. For my body. The cloud has lifted and I feel good. Motivated.
That’s why I was feeling so under valued and unappreciated. Because I was under valuing and depreciating myself. I’ve been trying to get regular exercise forever now and I just can’t seem to do it. I need it to be social. At Curves, it is.
And now, feeling revived and empowered, I feel much more capable of dealing with these doctors and their tests and procedures. It’s not as big of a deal because I’m looking at it all from a different perspective. I didn’t change my perspective on the issues, but my perception of myself shifted and therefore everything shifted.
I’ll get my colonoscopy and GI work up and we’ll see what we see. Better to know. You can’t work with what you don’t know about. And until further notice…. my uterus is staying put. Right now I want to focus upon gaining GI health and balance. I’ll deal with the rest when we get there.
It’s so much less… URGENT in my mind now. A lot less anxiety around it all.
Life is always working for you… You just have to relax and let it flow.
