Seeking Life
August 29th, 2010
Happy Spirit day, my friends :)
Last night we attended Mike’s boss’ annual pig roast… And I got drunk and sang karaoke!
Some people really love to sing karaoke, and do it on a fairly regular basis. I am not one of those people. I did it last year at the boss’ party for the first time. Once I worked through the terror and the feeling that I was gonna throw up, it wasn’t so bad.
This year I was just as anxious. I had to keep pep talking myself into it.
“You’ve done this before. It’s no big deal. You LOVE to sing. No one booo’d you off stage. They’re drinking too and don’t care. Besides, you sound better than half of them. At least you keep tempo and KNOW the songs…”
So with that, I got up and opened with The Beatles, When I’m Sixty-Four.
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I’m trying to live… as a verb. Not live as a passive bump-on-a-log like I’ve been doing for 12 years now.
I’m trying to get out there and do real things…. new things. Inside these walls, I have more experience than I really know what to do with. Out there, I have none.
I want to do more things that make me anxious and want to throw up… In a good way of course.
I want to feel that high, tingly, anxious, exhilarated, terrified like when you’re on a roller-coaster feeling! I want this feeling to be a part of my, maybe not everyday, but normal life.
I am bored because I am boring. There is so much out there and I long to find and experience it.
I want life to experience ME… authentically, as I am. I want to share ME with the rest of the world as readily as I want to soak up the experiences of all of It.
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I’d intended to take guitar lessons with Michael this fall, and I still intend to do it, but I think we’ve had a minor change in plans.
Michael has just started a band class in school that will go on for six weeks. At the end of the six weeks, the kids who want to actually BE in the band will stay, and the rest will return to normal classes. I’m going to wait until the end of these six weeks to start guitar with him because I want him to learn everything they have to teach him about music.
Because I don’t want to wait that long, myself, and because I don’t want to start guitar without him because we won’t be in the same place then and won’t get the discount, I think I’m going to start taking piano lessons in the meantime.
I have always loved piano music and have wanted to learn to play piano for as long as I can remember. Yep, just typing it out makes me a little anxious and a little nauseated. LOL
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I am learning that it’s that exhilarated feeling that creates.
It’s that feeling of overflowing joy beyond verbal expression that connects me right to the Universe. When I cultivate that feeling within me as I’ve been doing for a few weeks now, I feel as though I’m sitting right in God’s lap…. Like God is actually Santa and whatever I throw out there while on the lap will readily come flyin’ at me.
Doing things I love to do is good. I mean like, writing, riding my bike, walking in nature, playing with my dogs, etc…
These are all great feeling things that help me to create happiness in my life. But I’m also finding that, when I get the shot of super high exhilaration, it creates faster.
So I will. I will seek things that scare the crap out of me. I will seek things I’ve never done. I will seek things… feelings, experiences… all of it.
I am a seeker.
And where was Mike with the video camera!?!? Dang!!
I think you’re awesome. And you’re definitely blooming where you’re planted. I’m so proud.
.-= Miss Ash´s last blog ..Delusions of Grandeur =-.
Oh, Miss El! This is fantastic! I think you’re awesome too. ;-)
We’re blazin’ new trails, my friend! Doesn’t it feel grand?!
.-= Annie Anderson´s last blog ..More housekeeping =-.
I have been doing the same thing.. going outside of my comfort zone. I am single & one thing that I would NOT DO was go out to eat alone. I decided that I NEED to do this, I am limiting myself by not. SOOO I went out to lunch twice last month & guess what it FELT GOOD! I also have this hang up about going to functions alone. Last weekend I went to a crystal class on manifesting & abundance & right after that I went to a meetup called crystal ascention, the topic was altars. I absolutely LOVED it & had the best time. I meet some nice ladies that are like minded & in november are planning a crystal dig on Mt Ida Arkansas. I am seriously am thinking about going… sounds absolutely FUN!
*blush* I’m certainly trying Miss Ash!!
It absolutely DOES Annie!
It’s like shaking off the old tried and true and really reaching for something more… I know there’s more!!
Isn’t it beautiful Patti!?
I’ve realized the far too much of my life is missed because I don’t have anyone to do things with. Well, that’s enough of that!!!
Have a BLAST @ Mt. Ida!!!!
El you are FAR from boring to me! I think your life is beautiful and inspirational! You know what, I’ve never tried karaoke, I don’t have a good singing voice and I know it LOL neither does my daughter or mother, altho my mother likes to think so..Blah! LOL
I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the piano too and many times have pictured myself amazing people when I go up to piano and belt out this amazing rock symphony!
Hiya Donna :)
I’m glad you don’t find me boring! I suppose mine wouldn’t be a very entertaining blog if you did! LOL
I don’t have a “good singing voice” either. I’ve been likened to a dying animal in the past. I am NOT one of those people who is told how wonderfully they sing.
However, that doesn’t stop me from loving it!
One of my very favorite things to do is to crank up the radio in the morning after everyone’s left and sing and dance through the house. I’m also a FOOL for singin in the car… no matter who’s with me. It’s just always been a little nerve wracking to think of actually being amplified and standing up in front of many people as the center of attention!!
But I’ve DONE it… TWICE now!
My urge to play the piano has been growing substantially over the past month or two ever since I saw that video of the senior couple doing their duet on the piano… I sure hope you know which video I mean… It came through the group, so I’m pretty sure ya do :)
Anyway, thanks for reading and your comments are ALWAYS welcome :)
Oxoxx!