Mother’s Day Depression
May 10th, 2010
I hate Mother’s Day.
Mike sucks.
That’s nothing new though, so I don’t express that with an inflection of surprise. It’s more of an air of expectancy and annoyance.
“El” centered holidays suck for me and I want it to be different. I want to feel good and happy.
When it’s someone’s birthday, they get their favorite meal for dinner. Lunch too depending on what day of the week their birthday falls on. They get heart shaped pancakes and a nicely wrapped gift and their meal of choice. Father’s day? Don’t get me started.
Everyone else gets the goods. Why? Because I am the mom and mom is the goods giver. If there’s planning, mom does it. If there’s cooking, mom does it. If there’s shopping and/or wrapping, no worries… mom does it.
Then comes Mother’s Day…. and everyone does the exact same things that they do for everything else….. NOTHING.
Well no, that’s not fair.
Eddie handmade a card at school where they also helped him pot a petunia in a plastic cup for me.
Michael spent the morning making me a Mother’s Day card, which as my artist, was beautiful of course.
I love handmade cards. They’re by far my favorite thing to receive.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Okay, so the people to whom I AM a mother to, DID actually acknowledge me for Mother’s Day. I just go so far out of my way so often for them all, I guess I just expect them to do the same for me. And by them, I mean Him.
But he doesn’t.
Expectations are a funny thing.
That’s the only thing that really made me upset. Not Mike. Not lack of appreciation (because if I’m honest, I’m much appreciated and I know it). It was the expectation. And the funniest thing about it is… I actually got what I expected. Mike did nothing and life went on as though it were any other Sunday for him.
Should I be mad?
I go on and on about how much made up holidays annoy me. The ones that are obviously geared towards the consumer spending all their money in an attempt to prove their love. Valentines…. Mother’s day… Father’s day… sweetest day… not to mention all the tinier, stupider ones in between like… secretary’s day and boss’ day and grandparents day. I’m not saying that all those people don’t deserve acknowledgment, but there’s a $4 greeting card for each occasion. Necessary? Not.
SO…. on Mother’s Day… the people who sprung forth from my body acknowledged me and expressed their love and gratitude. We didn’t go out to dinner. Not because Mike sucks but because I’d rather not. I’ve cooked for the past few days and there’s a fridge full of leftovers, so I didn’t have to cook. That was nice.
Okay, I’m not mad anymore I guess. I DID get what I expected. I only expected it because that’s what I’ve always gotten, but in the world of intention/manifestation, it can be argued that until I choose to expect something different, I will continue to receive the same things.
Ah, score one for learned neurosis. That is, score one… again.
I could probably make my expectations a little more… obvious too. I suppose that one who never gets because they never ask is as foolish as one who expects the worst and is surprised by what they get.
In closing, I had a thought as I stood in the shower last night. I went totally into self pity zone (thanks to orange juice and rum) and stood there thinking, “No one every surprises me. I’m always left planning my own damn parties. No one ever puts forth actual effort on my behalf, even though I run around efforting my ASS OFF for them…”
Then, as though they were echoing back to me, I actually heard my own mental words in my ears and realized what I was doing. That’s no way to get what you want.
And so I changed my mental commentary immediately to, “MAN I LOVE SURPRISES! I love feeling happy and appreciated and wonderfully surprised! I <3 surprises that make me smile!!” And that’s just where I’m going to leave Mother’s Day for this year.
~OxOxx ∞
Enjoy my post? Visit my Donation Box or recommend me to a friend!
Every time I’m in the shower thinking my kids never think of me, one of them, inevitably, will flush the downstairs toilet leaving me feeling like a scalded dog!
*chuckle* @ Underswansea.
You know?
Sometimes ya just have to _tell_ them.
“I would like you to do something special for me on Mother’s Day. I would like you to plan a meal, whether that means you cook, hire a cook, or take us out. I would like flowers. Or plants I can plant. Or a massage. From you. Or from the cute massage therapist at such and such place.”
*wink*
I had a rough MD too. Not because I wasn’t feeling appreciated but because I wasn’t feeling appreciative. But you can’t always expect from someone that which they’re incapable of providing. Then it’s up to you to either tell them what you want from them or change your expectations.
Love you.
@ underswansea ~ Ah.. yes, children can be so thoughtful. LOL
@ Ash ~ Hey! I’m the parental advice giver here! _giggle_ But really, I’m sorry you had an ucky MD too. And I know you’re right. I once told my mother, “Men can’t take hints. If you don’t wrap what you want around a brick and hit them in the head with it, you’ll never get what you want.”
I can’t help but go back to that learned passive-aggressive thing where they’re supposed to know what you want and GIVE it to you… even if you change your mind. _sigh_ It just doesn’t seem like the sort of thing one should require reminding about. It’s mother’s day… oh wait! My wife is a mother! A damn good one too! I should take her to dinner! I mean seriously… Abby is more thoughtful. I love a dog who will poop on linoleum instead of carpet when presented with the option. Now THAT’S thoughtfulness! ……. What was I talking about?…
El -
I agree – what’s’ so hard about thinking “hey, it’s Mother’s Day. My wife’s a mother . . .” etc and actually doing something nice. Even something simple. Just to be acknowledged and thought of is enough.
Sorry your day was rough. Mine was ok – not great, but at least 2 of my kids remembered and did something nice. LOL
.-= Annie Anderson´s last blog ..Thankful =-.
Can’t blame others for not behaving or reacting the way I do or would… as much as I would LOVE to… Don’t tell anyone (she says on a public blog) but I think the whole, under appreciated thing, is one of my attention spots. One of my martyr points. I should probably stop creating it and just decide that I am worth the appreciation.