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Which Witch

December 6th, 2009

I recently changed the look of my blog and changed the title tag line to embrace who I’ve become. My blog is an expression of me and as I’ve changed over the past couple years, so has the look and feel of my site. After I chose to embrace the little witch in me and changed my site to reflect her, I lost 14 subscribers :) I didn’t think I’d run off so many people by adding the words “Solitary Witch” to my description, but I did. So, for everyone who stayed behind and didn’t jump to judgment, I’d like to talk about it a little bit in honor of this Spirit Day. Sunday has become the day when I find myself sitting in contemplation of my Spirituality and faith, so here’s what’s on my mind.

How & when I first encountered witchcraft.

When I was 23, I got my first computer (w/ 1 gig! LOL) and my first real opportunity with internet access. I’d always been very interested in psychic phenomena and other things generally labeled metaphysical. It didn’t take me long to start running searches on words like; psychic development, psychic abilities, ESP, lucid dreaming, out of body experience, etc. You can easily see my area of interest.

I found myself on Steve Pavlina’s website, reading about how to develop my psychic abilities. I didn’t really HAVE any abilities at the time. I’d had some eerie experiences with deja’vu and some weird dreams, but nothing off the charts weird, and to be honest…. off the charts weird was what I was looking for. It wasn’t so much that I thought it was cool or just found it interesting, but I always felt like it was there. I’ve always felt like I was on the verge of something big. Nothing I could describe or even understand, but I’d lived my life since probably about 10 or 11 years old feeling like I was half a breath away from an epiphany that would change my life, and if I could turn some corner, somewhere, fast enough, I could catch a glimpse of it.

That might sound sort of weird, but it’s the only way I can describe it.

On Steve’s site, I was introduced to the concepts of subjective reality and law of attraction. As soon as I read it, I knew it. It was like being reunited with one’s long lost sibling when you didn’t even know they were missing…. but recognizing them immediately and completely upon first sight. That’s how it felt to me and as soon as I acknowledged it, I knew, bone deep, that this was the epiphany I’d been waiting for.

I began reevaluating my entire life. The way I felt about my past began to change. The way I felt about my future most certainly changed. All things were suddenly possible. I read everything I could find for a month or more. I acquired books and ebooks on lucid dreaming, obe, life after death, and loa. I even started praying, which is something I’d not done since I was a child. My flame was ignited and i was burning for the depth that I knew I could find if I looked.

A friend dragged me to a women’s event of some sort at the local Day’s Inn one day. I didn’t want to go at ALL, but with a laid off husband, 2 yr old, and newborn…. getting out of the house was the main objective so I agreed to go. While there, I had my first encounter with a psychic. We had our Tarot cards read. As we sat chatting after my reading, the psychic and I discovered that through family, we each knew who the other was. She invited me to her sewing shop and I promised to stop in being that, as it turned out, her shop was a mere 3 blocks from my house.

That night, I dreamed of her. She told me she could help me and in my dream, I knew I’d prayed for guidance in this metaphysical pursuit and that she was the help I’d been sent. I went to her shop a couple days later and told her what my interests were and about my prayers and dreams. She smiled knowingly and told me to get my hands on the book “Practical Solitary Magic by Nancy B. Watson” and read it, and that I could come back anytime I had a question.

I had that book in hand within a week and I still own my original copy. I have made reference to it so many times. It has served me well. But it was through this book that I realized that solitary witchcraft and Christianity and LOA are basically the same thing. I took the metaphysical and psychological ideas I got from that book and the Christian ideas I’d learned growing up and the law of attraction concepts I was readily learning and I found myself transformed into this new person.

Where I went from there.

I dove into LOA after that. Law of attraction and the psychological and metaphysical things I’d learned from my solitary magic book made the way I understood Jesus and the Bible shift. The things I’d been taught were interpretations belonging to the person/people teaching me. I’d come into some knowledge that had given me some experiences that had changed the way I interpreted the Bible. One of my biggest epiphanies during this time was realizing the fact that I actually had the CHOICE to change my interpretation. Wow! What a revelation.

Over the past six years or so, I’ve been growing at what I would consider an amazingly fast rate. That’s not in comparison to the rate of anyone elses growth, because frankly, I’ve only recently (about a year and a half) been conversing with other people about growth and Spirituality. I say it is an amazingly fast rate because it makes my head spin. I have moments of clarity that rock my very soul and it takes me weeks of contemplation and prayer to wrap my head around it. Often it seems that as soon as I do, another moment comes hot on the heels of the first and sends me reeling anew.

One of the things I’ve learned is non judgment. That means that you don’t judge someone based on what you think you know of them, but it goes much deeper than that. When you cease judging everything, based on what you think you know, what you know… changes. It became a living miracle to simply stand in the forest when I stopped THINKING it and just DID it. Before, I would stand in a forest with a running mental commentary in my head, bombarding my experience with judgments and labels.

“What a beautiful day. I love the trees. It’s so sunny out here. It’ been sunny all week… and busy. What a busy week. I hope next week isn’t so busy. If I stay ahead of everything, I won’t be so busy. *sigh* I suppose I should start a to-do list….”

I know that you know exactly what I mean. My thoughts would run right away from me, and it all started with me judging the day as beautiful. It’s not that labeling something as beautiful is a bad thing, but I learned that one judgment sends my mind into a flurry of other judgments and labels. I feel such a sense of presence and awe when I can stand, blank minded and without judgment. It feels like the true magic that IS life is pulsating and speaking to me when I just observe.

With this discovery, I began making every attempt to stop consciously judging. I still do. It’s a daily thing. With this non labeling life I began to build, I also continued to build my faith. My faith was just that, my faith. I would not label my beliefs. As soon as I say Christian, you judge. As soon as I say new age, you judge. If I were to say witch…. oh the judgment. Judgments about who I am or who I must be based on what other people know, don’t know, and are afraid of. No thank you! I even stopped labeling myself as straight, bi, or gay when I filled out profiles because each label brings a judgment.

Why I finally decided to label my faith & how I define my life now according to the faith I’ve chosen.

I was recently struck by another epiphany. Back in August of this year (09) I was explaining to someone that, what I or anyone else does as a practice to consciously manifest makes no difference. It’s a subjective experience. What works perfectly for me might never work for you. How you manifest consciously hinges completely off of what you believe and how you see your world. I went on to explain that Christians have rituals they perform such as communion and mass and confession and prayer. Witches have rituals and spells. New agers use things like vision boards. It’s all what you believe in and what you’re comfortable with.

Then I suddenly realized… I’ve been so busy purposely NOT labeling what I believe, that I now found myself manifesting by default because I wasn’t putting any real consciousness into my manifestations. I kinda make vision boards and I kinda meditate and I kinda make intention lists and I kinda keep a gratitude journal. I kinda do so many different things and don’t put a lot of myself into any of them

I hadn’t been manifesting by default the way I did before I realized the effect my thoughts and beliefs had on my life. I had changed my mind. I had changed my life. I was happy. The things I was manifesting into my life reflected the happiness I was feeling on a pretty constant basis. I had no specific focus for my intention though. I had no specific entity that I was sharing with or talking to. I was generally addressing the universe at large. That was okay for a long time. Now I was realizing I needed something more specific.

The idea of a guardian angel or spirit guide(s) became incredibly appealing. A best friend waiting in the wings to listen to me, empathize with me, understand me, talk to me, guide me…. to help me consciously manifest magic in my life. These ideas brought me to the concepts surrounding archetypes and archetypal energies. These were concepts first reintroduced to me through the book, “The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire by Deepak Chopra”, and became a large part of my new angle on my Spirituality. They were reintroduced because I’d read about them in my solitary magic book, but passed them by at the time because it just didn’t resonate with me then.

I went back to Practical Solitary Magic and started reading again. I felt like I was reading about myself. I knew these things and believed in them and was more comfortable with the concepts than I’d ever been in the past. I realized that I’d “gone green” on Earth Day 2008 and that my connection to Mother Earth had grown clearer since. My connection to my psychic side began growing when I changed my diet. More whole grains and natural and whole foods…. MUCH less processed anything.

The thing that turned on the little idea light bulb above my head was Murry Hope’s definition of magic. Murry says, “Magic is concerned with the conversion of universal energies into practical frequencies that can be utilized according to the needs of the occasion. These energies in themselves are totally neutral, having no affiliation with any belief, system or personality either here on Earth or anywhere in the cosmos, their manifestation at the magical level being colored entirely by the nature and intention of the user.”

I’ve always thought that changing your life by changing the thoughts you think is just like magic. When I read the above definition again, I realized….. it IS magic. It can be nothing else. It’s harnessing the powers of the Universe according to what you desire and turning energy into form. How is that NOT magic. And I immediately liked the idea of being in control of magic. I’ve also realized that I apparently have a brilliant capacity for moving energy and healing myself.

It seems, I realized quite suddenly one morning in August 09, that I didn’t have to choose to define myself as a witch because I turned into it without even realizing. Here I am…. My mother, the Earth, lending form to my body allowing me to manifest the consciousness that my father, the Spirit has given me. I live inside my life as though it is a gift. I live inside my life as though all the energies at work around me are my guardians and here to assist me in my growth. And if I feel lost, I just call out for their help and they’re there.

I actively love my Mother & Father and treat them with honor, respect, and my deepest gratitude. They in turn support me in all of my desires. I’m a mother, a wife, a healer, a (more all the time) psychic, lucid dreamer, a gardener, and among these and many more things, I am a conscious living being with the power to purposely affect the events and happenings in my life. The only real difference between now and one year ago now is that one year ago, I’d refused to label my beliefs and now, I’ve accepted what I am.

I don’t dance around naked under the moon… although I wouldn’t be against it. (LOL) I do small, personal, ritualistic things to focus my energy and intent to set manifestations into motion during the new moon. Speaking of which, I’ve been living lunar for one year on the winter solstice this year.

My life really isn’t any different from anyone elses if they believe in the law of attraction and conscious manifestation. As Edie Brickell said, “What I am is what I am, are you what you are, or what?”

*You enjoyed my post and would like to buy me coffee?!
WOW! I really appreciate that!*